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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29937303">Losing You</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/dusktillmidnight/pseuds/dusktillmidnight'>dusktillmidnight</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>You Never Knew [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>9-1-1 (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>9-1-1 Season 4, Angst, Buckley-Diaz Family (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley is Christopher Diaz's Parent, Gen, Idiots in Love, M/M, Pre-Relationship, Sad Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), buddie, but they don't know yet, no beta we die like buck nearly does every episode</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-15 23:06:49</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,159</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29937303</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/dusktillmidnight/pseuds/dusktillmidnight</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A missing scene from 9-1-1 4x08 after Eddie finds out Chris ran away and went to Buck's apartment.<br/>-<br/>I wrote this bc I felt like we needed a scene where Eddie comes rushing into Buck's apartment after he finds out that Chris is there and hugs him and just looks up at Buck over Chris' shoulder and mouths 'thank you' as sort of a parallel to when he hugs Chris after the tsunami and looks over at Buck but it kinda got away from me. Might make this a series,</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Christopher Diaz &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Christopher Diaz &amp; Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley &amp; Christopher Diaz (9-1-1 TV), Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz, Evan "Buck" Buckley/Eddie Diaz (9-1-1 TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>You Never Knew [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2203167</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>9</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>469</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Losing You</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I promised a bunch of people on tumblr that I would write this because I feel like it genuinely is a scene that would have been important, Eddie rushing in to give Chris a hug and all that. Seriously this is so unedited because i finished tonight's ep of lone star, cried, went back to tumblr and then wrote this in like an hour. I think I'm gonna make this a series because I've been wanting to start writing Buddie for a hot minute anyways. But enjoy the angst for now.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Buck, you gotta help me, Christopher is--”</p>
<p>“--is here, Eddie. He, uh, he stole your phone and ordered an Uber.”</p>
<p>Eddie nearly collapses with relief before the anxiety rushes back in. </p>
<p>“Thank god, I’m on my way.”</p>
<p>Eddie trips over just about everything in his house in his rush to get to his car. Mind racing as he speeds out of his neighborhood at speeds that would give Athena an aneurysm. </p>
<p>God, he was so stupid, thinking that telling Chris was going to end well. Tears well in Eddie’s eyes as he drives, furiously blinking them away. </p>
<p>“Damnit!” He yells, hitting his steering wheel as he pulls up to yet another red light. He’s angry, he’s so fucking angry. At himself, for not realizing Chris had run away, for telling him about Ana before he was ready. He’s angry at Christopher for being reckless and running away, it’s a miracle he made it to Buck’s. And Buck, some small irrational part of him is angry with Buck for being the one Christopher ran to when he was upset. He is Christopher’s father, not buck. Eddie shakes himself out of it. </p>
<p>This is not Buck’s fault. He tells himself. Chris is ok and it’s because of Buck.</p>
<p>Eddies mind pulls itself back to a conversation he and Buck had last week. Safe spaces. Buck is Christopher’s safe space. Eddie’s heart nearly tears in two when the realization hits him. Chris ran to Buck when he was upset with his dad, Buck is the one who saved him during the tsunami, Buck is the person Chris asked to spend Christmas with when Eddie had to work. Granted, Buck had to work too, but he is the one that organized an entire party just so that Chris could spend the holiday with his dad. Buck is the one who takes care of Chris when Eddie is busy, the one who always knows how to make him laugh, the one who plays video games with him and cooks him good dinners because lord knows Eddie can’t. </p>
<p>Eddie shakes his head as he pulls into the parking garage for Buck’s apartment complex, not quite sure what to do with this realization. All he knows in this moment is that he needs to get to his son. His chest hurts like it did when Buck told him that he’d lost Christopher after the tsunami and all he needs is to feel his son in his arms. </p>
<p>He runs into the building, taking the stairs three at a time instead of waiting for the elevator, fumbling for his keys as he pushes open the door to the fourth floor. His heart is racing as he frantically opens the door to Buck’s apartment, expecting to see his son in tears on the floor. Instead, he is greeted with the sigh of Christopher sitting on the couch with a bowl of ice cream, laughing at some late-night cartoon on the TV, with Buck standing at the counter in the kitchen watching him fondly. </p>
<p>Buck turns his head at the sound of the door opening and gives Eddie a sad smile, dipping his head slightly in greeting. “Hey,” he says quietly. “He’s still pretty upset. We talked and I think he’s doing a little better, but, I don’t know.”</p>
<p>Eddie nods stiffly. “I know.”</p>
<p>Christopher looks up from the couch when he hears the two of them talking. He gets up slowly and Eddie all but tackles him in a hug, looking back over at Buck, emotion swelling in his heart, and whispers ‘thank you. Buck nods and gives him another small smile.</p>
<p>But just as quickly as the hug happens, Chris pulls away and sits back down on the couch, looking away from his dad. “I don’t wanna talk,” he says firmly. </p>
<p>Eddie bites the inside of his cheek and looks down. “I know, Chris,” he says, making his way over to the couch slowly, his heart breaking all over again at the way Chris shrinks away. “But I just want you to listen, ok? I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have sprung that on you. This thing I have with the girl I’m going on dates with, it’s still new, and it doesn’t mean that I love you any less, or that I’m trying to replace your mom--”</p>
<p>Christopher scoffs and jumps off the couch, headed straight for Buck, who was now standing in the middle of his apartment watching the scene unfold. Eddie feels another irrational pang of anger at the way Chris all but hides behind Buck’s legs, refusing to look at his dad at all. Buck closes his eyes and sighs, an indecipherable look on his features. He opens his mouth to say something when Chris interrupts him.</p>
<p>“Bucky I don’t want to go home tonight, can I sleep here?” </p>
<p>Buck sighs again, giving Eddie a quick apologetic look before turning around and kneeling down in front of Christopher. “Hey, buddy, I know you’re upset right now, but it’s late, and you need to get some sleep. Your dad loves you, and just wants you to come home.”</p>
<p>“No! I don’t wanna go home! I wanna stay with you!” Chris yells, hugging Buck tightly and burying his face in his shoulder. Buck looks back at Eddie, a hopeless look on his face. Eddie feels the tears coming up again and takes a second to desperately fight them back. Chris doesn’t need to see him break down right now. </p>
<p>“Christopher--” Eddie starts. </p>
<p>“No!” Chris holds onto Buck even tighter if at all possible.</p>
<p>“Hey, Chris, why don’t you go sit in Albert’s room so I can talk to your dad, ok?” Buck says, gently prying Chris out of his arms. Chris looks like he has more to say but, after a stern look from Buck, huffs and walks into Albert’s room, sitting on the bed and folding his arms across his chest. </p>
<p>Buck stands up slowly and turns towards Eddie, who is pretty sure he looks like he just got hit by a bus. At least, that what he feels like. “He can sleep here tonight, I can tell Albert to stay the night at Veronica’s. You can take my bed and I’ll take the couch.”</p>
<p>Eddie walks over to the couch and collapses, hanging his head in his hands for a minute before shaking his head and looking up at Buck. “I am not gonna kick you out of your own bed, and you shouldn’t have to deal with my kid having a meltdown because I fucked up. You’ve already done more than enough.”</p>
<p>“Hey, no, I love Chris more than anything else in this world, you know that. If it will help him to stay here tonight then it’s no problem.”</p>
<p>Eddie shakes his head and chokes on his words. “I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”</p>
<p>Buck ducks his head and sighs. “Why don’t we get him to sleep, and then you and I can talk.”</p>
<p>Eddie nods. “Ok.”</p>
<p>Getting Chris to bed is a solemn affair. For the first time in his entire life, he doesn’t let his dad give him a hug goodnight or tell him a bedtime story. Buck does most of the work, with Eddie barely able to say goodnight and kiss his son on the top of his head before Chris turns away from him and curls into the covers. Buck also presses a kiss to Christopher’s head and whispers goodnight before following Eddie out of the room, quietly shutting the door behind him. </p>
<p>“Hey, at least he can’t climb out the window this time,” Eddie says, attempting to lighten the mood and failing epically. To his credit, Buck lets out a soft snort, but there’s no real humor in it. </p>
<p>Both of them are silent as Buck walks into the kitchen, pulling out two beers and opening them. Eddie collapses back on the couch, feeling the tears rush forwards again and this time he doesn’t fight them. Buck wordlessly hands him his beer and settles into the couch next to him. </p>
<p>Neither of them says anything for a minute before Eddie chokes back a sob and suddenly throws his arms around Buck’s shoulders, burying his face into his neck. “Thank you. I don’t know what I would have done if you hadn’t called me, if he hadn’t been here.”</p>
<p>Buck hesitates only a second before wrapping his arms around Eddie and holding him close. “But he was here, he’s ok.” Eddie pulls away and nods, rubbing the tears from his cheeks. “And you don’t have to thank me.”</p>
<p>“No, I do. He’s my kid and the fact that I made him so upset that he felt the need to run away? But you were here, he came to you, Buck. I don’t know what I was thinking, that it’s been over a year since Shannon died, so I thought maybe he was ready for me to start dating but of course he’s going to think I’m replacing her, but I’m not, Buck, I just don’t know how to convince him of that.”</p>
<p>Buck is quiet for a minute, clearly thinking something over in his head. He takes a long sip of his beer before setting it down and turning to look Eddie in the eye.  </p>
<p>“He’s not upset because he thinks you’re replacing Shannon, Eddie.” </p>
<p>Eddie looks up then, brows pulled together in confusion. “Then what--”</p>
<p>“He’s scared he’s going to lose me.”</p>
<p>Eddie shakes his head, attempting and failing to understand what Buck is saying. “Why would--”</p>
<p>“He says people always leave,” Buck starts but shakes his head. “Obviously a part of that is because Shannon left you both and then died as soon as she came back. But that’s only part of it. Abuela, Carla, his friends from school, he feels like he’s lost them because he hasn’t seen them in so long. But he sees me all the time, so he got scared that you were, I don’t know, replacing me when you told him you’d started dating someone new. You and I know that that’s ridiculous, but he doesn’t, all he knows is that he sees me all the time, and with someone new in your lives, he might see me less, and that scared him. I promised him that I was never going to leave, that he would always have me, no matter what, and I think he believes me. He just needs some time to adjust is all,” Buck finishes quietly, no longer looking at Eddie and instead taking a special interest in the label of his beer. </p>
<p>Eddie opens and closes his mouth, not really sure what to say. His brain is still kind of stuck on the fact that Chris didn’t think he was replacing Shannon, but that he was replacing Buck. He had absolutely no clue how to respond to that. How to even begin to explain to his kid that it’s not the same thing. </p>
<p>Isn’t it? Some small portion of his brain supplies. He pushes the thought back into the darkness it came from and clears his throat. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry. God, I’m so sorry. I can’t believe he would think that.” He looks over at Buck, who is still staring intently basically everywhere but at him. “Thank you, for talking to him. He’s lucky to have you to talk to. I’m lucky to have you.”</p>
<p>Buck nods stiffly. “Always, you know that.” Finally, he looks back at Eddie, his eyes soften and he smiles just slightly. “I’m lucky to have you too.”</p>
<p>They just look at each other for a second before Buck turns away, clears his throat, and stands up. “It’s late and you’ve had a shitty night. Why don’t you head to bed.”</p>
<p>Eddie shakes his head. “I don’t think Chris will appreciate it if he wakes up and I’m right upstairs. You guys can do breakfast or something to really prove that you’re not going anywhere and then I’ll pick him up after.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?” Buch asks, grabbing onto Eddie’s shoulder. </p>
<p>Eddie swallows hard and nods. “I’m sure, you’re right it’s getting late, so I’m gonna go home.”</p>
<p>Buck nods and walks Eddie to the door. Eddie stops, his hand on the handle, and turns around, pulling Buck into a bone-crushing hug. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Buck huffs, pulling back with a self-conscious smirk playing on his lips. “Stop thanking me, Eddie. You’re family. I would do anything for you and Christopher.”</p>
<p>Eddie nods. “Still, thank you. Just, uh, text me when you’re done with breakfast and I’ll come pick him up?”</p>
<p>Buck nods. “Deal. Drive safe, ok?”</p>
<p>Eddie nods, giving Buck one last look before walking out of the apartment. For half a second he thinks the look gives him can only be described as heartbroken, but he shakes off that thought and heads for the elevator, feeling ten years older and ready to just fall asleep for the rest of eternity.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come lose your mind over 911 and 911: Lone Star with me over on tumblr @thegirlwithataser</p></blockquote></div></div>
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